Friday, April 20, 2012

The Origins of Our Crazy Love For Felines and Feline Accessories.

Ever since Britt and I have been together, we've enjoyed the presence of a fluffy, cute feline. I can remember one time when I got home to my old house at the top of State Street in Salt Lake, AKA The Broplex (hilarious posts to follow), I was talking to Britt on the phone and as I walked up the stairs I saw a black cat dart past me as fast as Charlie Sheen's TV career! I yelled out to it (while still on the phone with Britt) and said "Come back here, Cat! Yes, I name the cat, Cat.  Before you get all up in arms about how unoriginal my name for the cat was, it should be noted that I watched Pokemon when I was younger and all the characters just said their name as they talked. Anyway, after I called for Cat, Britt told me that she didn't know I liked cats. I thought, what a silly thing to assume considering she'd never ever asked me about it in the first place. All flippancy aside, this one event opened a can of worms or should I say cat food, that would begin our wild adventure as owners of 4 different cats....

I can remember one day in February before Valentines Day, my shift was winding down and I was getting so excited to go home and sleep. Real quick, I think people that don't even really have to know me to know that I love to sleep and just so coincidentally, so does Britt. It's pretty much been the a fundamental key to our relationship with all major decisions are made with sleep in mind. I sleep so much my friend, Casey Shaw, started calling me "Nappew." Needless to say when I got a call from Britt asking me to come over when I was done with work, I was a little annoyed. I grudgingly agreed to come over even though I was already in "nap-mode."

When I got there, Britt was all giddy with excitement and says to me "Go look in the bathroom." I was extremely confused and thought "What could possibly be in the bathroom for me?" Then I thought "Eww, what if she needs me to plunge her toilet?" (Which wouldn't have been the first time. That's love though, right?). As I walked towards to bathroom I heard a little "meow" come from it. When I opened the door I found a little black cat sitting on the bathroom counter looking at me like "Oh good, you're here. Go ahead and get me some food already, will ya?" I was so excited to see such a cute little kitty cat and immediately said "I don't think Casey (who was my roommate at the time) will let me have a cat!" Britt told me that she had gotten Casey's permission and that she'd been secretly planning this cat purchase for a while. I immediately forgot how pissed off I was that I had to come over and was instead full of joy.

"I know we just met but do you really think that's enough food?"
As we sat in Britt's room trying to think of a name for this sweet little rag-a-muffin, we ran through all sorts of different names like: Slim, puff, and, weezy....none seemed to fit. Just then I turned to Britt and said, "Let's name him Clark" (which just so happens to be my sister and brother in-law's last name.) She gave me a weird look that only Britt is capable of (I'm sure everyone knows what I'm talking about) giving. We tried to come up with some more names but we (I) kept going back to Clark. I finally was able to convince Britt to settle on it and we took him home to show all my roommates.

When we got home, Clark was immediately wild. He was running all over the house like he was a newly inducted member of a college fraternity. I can only imagine what a fraternity for cats would be named. We could call it something like Feline Sigma Tuna or Catnip Beta Scratching-post. Their initiation process would consist having to sneak into a doghouse and sleep with a dog before it wakes up. I'm not going to say that this doesn't exist because I really truly believe that somewhere on planet earth, it does.

"I lost that patch of hair in a claw fight I got into when I used to live in Chetto (cat ghetto)"
Moving on, we noticed that Clark had all these little white flakes on his fur. Britt said that it was probably from all the other cats at the human shelter rubbing up on each other like weird cats do. Britt made the suggestion to give him a bath and I agreed, which would turn out to be the worst decision of my life. We bathed Clark and he was absolutely irate. His meow was so pissed off sounding I though he was ready to take my arm off like the velociraptor does to Samuel L. Jackson in Jurassic Park. Err, I guess his arm was the only thing left. He's been in so many movies I can remember which body parts he loses in one. We finally got him out and into a towel and started drying him off. Clark was fuming with rage and still doing that weird meow which sounds something like "rrrrrrreeeeeeeeeoooowwwwww" over and over. We got him mostly dry and set him on the floor in my room. He immediately jumped on my bed in hissing and "reeeowing"fit and started unleashing furious bouts of poo. I panicked and hurried to pick him up to take him to the littler box but it didn't deter his convulsion of crap, I was so grossed out I couldn't handle it. I froze up and had to leave. Britt hurried and took him out to the litter box where his continued eruption of what sounded like a human taking a crap after eating mexican food for 50 straight days. Casey asked if Clark had eaten at Lorena's before coming over and legitimately thought it was Britt farting and not Clark. Once he got everything out of his system Clark settled in for his first night. We cuddled and it was glorious. Over the next few months Clark made the top my printer his bed, stole Britt's pork chop, and frequently took naps in Eric's top dresser drawer.

Sadly, he got hit by a car a few months later. We miss him all the time and think about him frequently. We now have two cats named Calyvn and Lady. I'll post about them in the future but for now you know of the origins of mine and Britt's cat obsession.

Enjoy reading!

"I hope I'm not in the way or anything. If I am, you can go to Hell"

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