Wednesday, April 18, 2012

"Go Ahead and Slide Your Card There" and "Just Buy the Donut and Leave,Please!"

Is it safe for me to assume that most of the people who are reading this also have been to a gas station?
The reason I'm asking is because in order for you to understand what I'm about to write about, you will need to have a firm foundation of gas station knowledge. Got it? Okay, we are ready to move on.

Everyday that we work, Britt and I carpool out to our places of employment. I work at Slim Olson's Chevron and Britt works at Heritage Place assisted living. She usually drops me off because she gets off earlier and...who am I kidding, I just hate to drive.

As I unlock the front doors to Slim's I'm immediately hit with the smell old, gross farts, which I heavily contribute to. After I get the store open and ready for business, I prepare myself for another day in which everything is the same. What I mean by this is, everyday at Slim's is the exact same. Same people, same routines, same prices, and same trifling small talk. After while you could let it drive you insane to the brink of lighting yourself on fire and jumping off the new skybridge at City Creek (which is such a pleasant place BTW) or you can just go with it and enjoy.

" I know I'm your first customer of the day at 6 am, but can you cash this for my 50 cent refill?"

For privacy sakes, I'll try not to be too descriptive of what the certain people I'm going to talk about look like.

First off, there is a breed of people in which the origins of are unknown, that come in and literally throw their card at you. It's like a game of Magic or Pokemon cards or something, credit cards get thrown at me all day! Some times I feel like a black jack dealer in Vegas. Hey, I've got to think of something to prevent me from slinging the card back at them like a monkey throwing his crap at the zoo visitors. I say "Go ahead and slide your card there for me" or "You can slide your card right there"at least 100 times a day. What I would like to say is, "Oh let me just bend down here, grab your card that you threw at me, off this dirty flood that I track my gross feet across all day and give it back to you so you can slide it at the card machine that is so blatantly infront of your face only a 5 minute old baby doesn't have the neural capacity to see."

Alas, I can't say that......but I can dream.

"I'll cut you with my assortment of credit cards"

Everyday that I work (and I'm sure the other days that I don't) a little lady comes wearing the exact same sweater. I see her walk in and I know that she brings her own cup to get her drink in. I also know that every time she walks up to the counter she's going to say the same thing: "This is a refill!" Then, she waits, every freaking time, she waits for me to ask her "Is that all for you?", even though I know, she knows, and everyone who has ever lived and breathed on the entire planet knows that she still wants a donut! She looks at me like I'm an idiot and does this weird thing with her tongue where she pushes it against her cheek and says "No! I want a donut!!!" and grabs a donut. Now, I don't know if this is just me but I do not like to start eating something till I'm done paying for it, I know that sounds weird. Tongue Lady always and I mean ALWAYS takes a bite of that donut before she's even given me any money and tries to start a conversation with me while her mouth is full of donut! Gaaaaahh! I can only imagine my look of disgust while she's chewing that innocent donut and trying to talk to me at the same time. I Just try to look outside while she's digging through her purse that only God knows of the contents. After she leaves I finally breath a sigh of relief and try to remember a better time of when Tongue Lady wasn't here. Keep in mind this is just one person, one person in which I interact with on a daily basis.
"I'll slam dunk a donut in yo face!!!!"

You know that character on King of the Hill, I don't know how to spell his name but I'm sure you know who I'm talking about, the dude that talks all Texan and redneck? Well I just so have the pleasure of seeing someone like that E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y! He comes in and I think this is what he says "Heymanhowyoudoingmanyoujustsohappytobehereman?" If you can decipher that, I'm proud and a little disappointed at the same time. Guess what else he does that's so awesome? He pays in ALL change! Yes,  Reddy McRedneck is not only annoying verbally but he's also annoying habitually!
He's calling me at Slim's to make sure I'll accept his rolls of pennies and dimes.
To conclude, I work at a pretty interesting place. It's not all bad though, I work with some of the best people I've ever met. I'll continue to post some of my Slims memories on here. In the meantime, Enjoy!


  1. Donut lady sounds like a hoot! Maybe you should just have it ready from now on! :) Penny and dime least the coins are rolled?

    You and I should trade jobs for a week. You'd REALLY enjoy some "kid" conversation!

    "so-and-so (name has been omitted to protect the innocent) sneeks in the back door and goes downstairs but I'm not supposed to know."

    "My mom's havin' a baby but I'm not supposed to tell anyone."

    "Wouldn't it be fun if your feet grew out your head and you could hear out your eye holes?!"

    Ah yes! The public! With out them, we wouldn't have jobs! Gotta love it! All in a day's work!